A spouse strays and a marriage of many years hits the rocks. Yet a lot or marriages tagged ‘hopeless’ have been known to defy the odds when the estranged couples reunite. What makes a marriage work the second time around? Some couple of years back, Rachael walked out on her husband of over 17 years taking with her the three children of the marriage.
“He had an affair that resulted in a child,” she explained. “At the time the child was born, I was completely unaware of the other woman. It was my husband’s uncle that told me arrogantly that as a ‘senior’ wife, I had to be present at the christening. I felt insulted and humiliated. My friends advised I shouldn’t do anything drastic, so I went. Where I got the serenity to go through the whole ceremony from, only God knows. “My husband was profusely apologetic. The girl was intent on getting her claws into him, he accused. He was so contrite in the next few months that I finally tried to forgive his one false slip since we got married.
We’d been together for years that we were almost like brother and sister. “Some two years after this incident, I learnt that this same girl was pregnant again for my husband. This time, I didn’t bother to confront him. My company was already building accommodation premises for middle management staff and I quickly applied for a flat. “A s soon as I got my flat, I furnished it to my taste and waited. Just as I thought, this meddling uncle of my husband came calling again. This time, he wanted the naming ceremony to take place in my matrimonial home, the new baby’s father’s house. I heartily agreed. My husband couldn’t believe the enthusiasm I showed at getting ready for the ceremony. What he didn’t know was the fact that I’d taken almost all my things and the children’s to my new flat. I had no intention of humiliating myself all over again by hanging around for a bogus naming ceremony.
“Three days to the naming ceremony, I’d already taken my annual leave, I told the kids to make a show of going to school then come straight back home. I then took the rest of our things in the car and left. “That evening, a close friend of mine who worked in my office called, almost collapsing with laughter. She said I should see the look on my husband’s face when the personnel manager told him I was on leave. When he asked my friend where I was, she said she feigned amazement as the last time she visited, which was a few days ago, I was still living with him. He had the guts to even tell her that I’d walked away with money meant for food stuffs and ram for the naming ceremony.
“It was months later that I saw him. I learnt through the grapevine that he was living alone in the house I . His lover hadn’t moved in with him and I felt a bit relieved at that. When he came to the flat, he looked so harassed and unhappy that I almost felt sorry for him. He pleaded with me to give our marriage a second chance and I said I would think about it. He’d gone through a lot of pains to find my new address and I was touched. “I didn’t see him again until several weeks after his first visit. He was in a dreadful state, drunk and crying. He said he was not concentrating on his business, that his new relationship meant nothing to him. If I didn’t come back he was moving into my flat immediately! “This was the husband I’d known and loved and temporarily lost. There was no decision for me. I had never stopped caring for him. I moved back to my matrimonial home and the children were glad to be back with their father.
“But that wasn’t the end of the story. My resentment couldn’t be cemented over just like that. I found myself wanting to know every detail of their relationship, what they did, where they went, was she better in bed than me? My husband at ftrst tried to be patient, but in the end we rowed and punched it out of our system. But the two children are there – those are permanent reminders of unfaithfulness and it hurts. But if I want my family to be happy, I have to learn to let go … “ Rachael’s husband’s case is a classic case of the ageing ego needing to be boosted – albeit temporarily – by youth and vitality. What is less common is that the couple were able to set their marriage back on the rails.
The honeymoon period of the husband’s affair was bound to wane but the bonds that tie husband and wife are less flimsy. The couple’s story echoes that of many. The divorce rate has never been higher, yet paradoxically, divorce is rarely the answer to people’s problems. An astonishing number of divorced women wish they had stayed with their spouse. More so when they find it difficult to find partners who can still commit to them and their children. Some end up being ‘the other woman’ they so much loathed in their now dead marriage. Affairs generally fall into two categories.
One is symptomatic of a failing marriage, and is used as the way out, in which case, there is little hope of a reconciliation. The other occurs during a time of stress and, if the relationship had good foundations, it needs not spell the end; it only highlights the fact that a marriage has survived the test of an affair and near break up to strengthen it,” agrees Muji, who is also a “born again” wife. Success stories like this tell you just how many women said they had emerged with a happier marriage. The best approach is to allow your man space then, let him try living with the other woman. If your relationship is meant to be, it will survive. Patience is your weapon.
Lastly, you have to recognize the dark side of reconciliation – that an affair is never forgotten. It is a blemish on your relationship forever. But ironically, the fear of a repetition can strengthen your re-union. The couple may make more effort to keep it alive. Neither wants to go through the same agonies again”.
Just The Way the Wife Does it! (Humour) The man booked into the 4 star hotel and went up to his room. After a couple of drinks in the bar and a meal in the restaurant, he returned to his room and rang down to reception. “Room 205. I’d like a woman up here immediately,” he demanded. “I’m sorry sir, it’s not that kind of hotel,” came the reply. “Oh come on,” said the man. “I’ve paid a lot of money to stay here, and I’ve been a regular customer for years. Tonight though, I’m really missing my wife, and I just need someone to take her place for a few hours. What’s so bad about that”? Well, the receptionist was moved by this, so he relented and got on the phone to a girl he knew would be interested. An hour or so later, there was a knock on the door and the girl entered the room. The guest looked at her for a moment then said, “good, that’s fine. Right, get undressed and into bed!” The girl did as she was told and the man did the same. “Okay,” he said “turn your back on me, tell me you’ve got a headache and start whingeing.